Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
