the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
