I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize