My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
