the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
