i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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