Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
