i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
