I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
