I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
