I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize