You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
