Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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