my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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