maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize