Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
