She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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