he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
