hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
