He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
