They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
