im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize