I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
