how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
