You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
