im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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