Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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