Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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