if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
