I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
