That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
