ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how can u be prego again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
