I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
