Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
