I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
