letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
