She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
