is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
