At least make sure they are 18
Why
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
