This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
