Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize