I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
