Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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