ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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