How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
