With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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