ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
