I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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