Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
