you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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