Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
