I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
