I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
