Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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