one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
