yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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