I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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