I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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