do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
