i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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