If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
