I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
