another moral hangover. fuck.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
