dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
