Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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