cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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