I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
