I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
