Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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