Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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