hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
