This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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