eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
