I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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