i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
