i would punch a child for taco bell
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
